Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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