I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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