THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
