I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
