I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
