R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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