you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So many bounce houses so little time
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
