Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
