If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
