im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
