Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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