I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
