i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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