My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
