dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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