I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
