Umm I'm too high to move.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
