I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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