Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
