last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?