Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap