I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.