I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
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I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
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My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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