its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
