Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
