Im at strip club and am horny
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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