flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize