____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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