I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
