Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
