i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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