i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
