if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
