we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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