I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
