oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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