Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Quick, to the slutcave!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
