ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Acid is not a monday night drug
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
