It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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