I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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