I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
