3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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