Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
