chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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