4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
