i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
where are my pants?
in the oven.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
