allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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