Yo dont text me then not text me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
