I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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