I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
that's an acceptable place to lick
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
