Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
