a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think my moral compass just broke
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
