I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
