Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You ate ashes out of my bong
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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