You can't motorboat a personality
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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