If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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