i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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