She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
