you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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