I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
