I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
