I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize