proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
