Girls should come with a carfax report
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
