from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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