Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
