my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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