My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Every concussion has its silver lining
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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