Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
