I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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