this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
