is your mom at the bar?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His hands were made for my vagina.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
